Estava a dar uma vista de olhos pelo Developers Sapo quando me apercebi que têm um novo (renovado?) contributo do prt.screener Pedro Couto e Santos

Lembrei-me imediatamente do magnífico Norwegian Blue. Pollllllly! Se tivesse tempo (e jeito para essas coisas) fazia já um overdub to sketch trocando o Parrot pelo Twitter.

- ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint. ‘Ello, Miss?

- What do you mean “miss”?

- I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

- We’re closin’ for lunch.

- Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this service what I registered not half an hour ago with this very browser.

- Oh yes, … uh, Twitter…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

- I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

- No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s stressing.

- Look, matey, I know a dead service when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

- No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s stressin’! Remarkable service, this Twitter, idn’it, ay? Beautiful web-design!

- The web-design don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

- Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s stressing!

- All right then, if he’s stressin’, I’ll wake him up! ‘Ello, Mister Twitty Service! I’ve got a lovely fresh cuttle update for you if you show…

- There, he replied!

- No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the down arrow!

- I never!!

- Yes, you did!

- I never, never did anything…

- ‘ELLO TWITTY!!!!! Update! Update! Update! Update! This is my nine o’clock twitt update! … Now that’s what I call a dead service.

- No, no…..No, ‘e’s undergoin maintenance!

- UNDERGOING MAINTENACE?!?

- Yeah! You stressed him, just as he was replying! Services stress easily, major.

- Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That service is definitely deceased, and when I registered it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of responsiveness was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a global event.

- Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the queries.

- PININ’ for the QUERIES?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it stop answering the moment I started following my friends?

- Twitter prefers kippin’ on it’s back! Remarkable service, id’nit, squire? Lovely web-design!

- Look, I took the liberty of examining that service when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been replying in the first place was that it was serving a CACHED page.

- Well, o’course it was a cached page! If we weren’t serving a cached page it would have nuzzled up to the screen, break it apart with its updates, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

- “VOOM”?!? Mate, this service wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

- No no! ‘E’s pining!

- ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This service is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is developer! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you weren’t serving a cached page ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-service!!

NOTE: transcrição original retirada de uma good ol’ web1.0 webpage